Rocking the mike on karaoke night

Birthdays, graduations, Friday nights with the gang: eventually, you'll probably wind up at a Karaoke Night. Karaoke can strike fear into the hearts of non-singers: what to sing? HOW to sing? Well, I can't teach you how to sing... at least, not in a blog article. But I can teach you to make it a little easier on yourself the next time Karaoke Night rolls around.

The most important thing to remember: karaoke is more about having the guts to go up there and finish the song than it is about sounding like a professional singer. While there are karaoke-based singing competitions, it's a bonding activity in most countries: silly fun in which a group supports its members as they perform a potentially humiliating activity with aplomb, regardless of how bad they actually are.

Your biggest enemy is not the audience, it's your nerves. Your goal is "to not make a fool out of yourself." That's it, and that's not too hard: the bar of expectations is set low, so "making a fool of yourself" is what happens when you chicken out, not when you sing badly. Still, you probably want to feel confident, and you probably want to sound as good as you're able to.

Tips on song selection, exercises, practice, relaxation, and basic singing follow after the break!

Song selection: This is very important. Unless you're a confident singer with a wide range, or brave enough to do an intentionally bad parody of a famous singer's signature track, stay away from songs closely associated with pop divas like Whitney, Mariah, and Christina. Those songs are difficult.

Likewise, rapping is a lot harder than you probably think. Do not attempt "Ice, Ice Baby" or "Bust A Move" unless you know the song backwards and forwards and can do a credible performance for friends and family without a backing track, with the exact same speed, rhythm, and inflection as the originals. That sounds like a tall order because it is. Nothing with a fast tempo and a lot of tongue-twisting lyrics is your friend, padawan singer.

The song you want is a song you know well, from beginning to end. It's in your range, which means that when you sing it in the car, no notes are too high or low for you. Maybe it's a standard, or maybe it's "I Wanna Be Sedated" or some other three-chord punk number. Simple, classic country tracks like "Ring of Fire" are also good choices.

If you don't feel like you can go it alone, try a well-known duet with a friend. Not only is there safety in numbers, you can also help keep each other in time with the backing track. There's a reason why the probability of hearing "Love Shack" or a duet from Grease approaches 100% as a night at an English-language karaoke bar wears on.

Some cable systems have an On-Demand channel, usually Oxygen, with a free but limited selection of popular karaoke tracks across a few genres. Try a few songs there, if it's available. You'll have the opportunity to practice following the on-screen lyrics, and you may get to hear how a particular track sounds, like which lines are considered "backing vocals." You can also practice online.

Stand up straight: Anytime you sing, your shoulders should be "up, back, and down." The goal is a physical position with low tension and good airflow. If you lay flat on your back on the floor to practice, your position and breathing will be perfect. However, you can't usually be flat on your back on the floor while singing karaoke.

A quick way to check your posture is to put your arms over your head and reach for the ceiling as high as you can. Now, making arcs in the air on each side, and without tensing up, slowly lower your arms. You should then be standing in the right position. (The move is almost the same as "yawning and stretching during a movie, as an excuse to put your arm around your date.")

Breathe deeply. This is the most technical part. When you breathe for singing, rib cage expansion and collapse, or a rise and fall in your shoulders, indicates that you're taking shallow breaths. Shallow breaths are bad.

With a deep breath, your rib cage should stay expanded, and your abdomen will appear to expand and collapse. The reason is that your full lungs will push down on your diaphragm, a muscle that separates your abdominal organs from the organs in your rib cage. You'll be able to sing longer phrases without running out of air. (You can even learn to control hiccups this way!)

Beverage: It may sound counter-intuitive to suggest that you avoid Liquid Courage, but if you're worried about your performance, try to limit your intake of alcoholic beverages.

One drink is fine. More than that can mess with your vocal chords, potentially make you belchy on stage, and make it much more difficult to follow the track you're supposed to be singing. The first two reasons also apply to all carbonated beverages, so skip them.

Another school of thought suggests that people who are of age should drink as much alcohol as they can handle at a karaoke bar: they'll no longer care what they sound like. This may be technically true, but it will not improve the quality of their performance.

If you can get it (and you probably will be able to, if you're at a karaoke night in a Chinese or Japanese restaurant), hot tea is the best thing you can drink before singing. Otherwise, stick to water or iced tea, as close to room temperature as you can tolerate.

Relax: Yes, you're nervous. But if you carry that tension in your body, you won't sound as good. Open your mouth and relax your jaw. If you need to, sneak into the restroom and make faces at yourself in the mirror. It can help.

You can warm up your voice a bit by humming softly. Most karaoke nights are pretty loud, so it's unlikely that you'll be overheard. Another way to combat jaw tension while you're humming is to let your jaw hang open a little, pretending that you have a "golf ball" of air in your mouth.

When you're on stage, watch your body language. Keep it open and expansive to project the illusion of confidence. Just "standing up straight, feet planted shoulder-width apart, head held high, eyes on the screen, and microphone in hand" is fine. Try to keep your face forward rather than down: only your gaze should be tilted to the screen.

Now that it's time to sing, the most important thing you can do is simply to have fun! Don't forget to cheer your friends on when it's their turn. Smile before your song starts, but not while you're singing; smiling tenses your jaw. If you make a mistake, laugh and try to keep going. You'll do fine!