Now why would anyone want to kill an innocent laptop
? Simple. The current technology
is better, faster, and quieter. Affordable, too. Yet maybe you can't justify shelling out for a new machine while your old one continues to perform as slowly and faithfully as an old dog
. Or maybe you
can justify it, but your Significant Other argues it's beyond the family's means. Yes, it's an evil plan to be sure. Put your laptop out of its misery today, and tomorrow you can merrily trot out and purchase something better. No one need ever know the truth! (Evil laughter)
The best starting point comes courtesy of the UK paper The Register
. This publication's website has two handy articles on the subject worth checking out. First up: "Ten ways to kill your laptop."
Second: "102 ways to kill your computer."
The suggestions here are good for entertainment value and maybe inspiration, but they're not the most subtle. For instance, I'm not sure my Significant Other would believe it if I told him my trusty yet aging Dell died due to my accidentally dropping it off a bridge or down a stairwell. You, too? Okay, so now we turn to the definitive resource: "How to destroy your computer," on the site Dan's Data
. This is where you'll find the evil advice you seek: how to off your computer in a way that won't
be detected by your (non-techie) loved ones. Muahahahahahaha!