Evil laughter for beginners

Bring a little edge to your personality. Make people respect you, dammit! Master the art of evil laughter, a timeless mannerism designed to shock and intimidate your foes into fearful submission. Beautifully concise instructions for the beginner can be found at wikiHow. Here's the basic procedure:

1. Cultivate an evil attitude. Yes, you're a very nice person, but for this to work you must look and feel convincingly evil. If you're really too nice to actually think evil thoughts, just pretend you're a famous movie bad guy/gal. Like Batman's nemesis, the Penguin.

2. Adopt the stance of evil. Cock your eyebrow and look maniacal. The latter is best achieved by acting as though anyone else in the room has disappeared. Fix your eyes on a distant point. Do not make eye contact with those around you. Remember: you're absorbed in evil thoughts right now!

3. Perfect pitch. Go for a high-pitched or low-pitched laugh. Choose one and stick with it for a convincing performance. Here's what you're aiming for if you're going for low-pitch: a throaty "Mua-ha-ha-ha-ha!" High-pitched laughers should do a hysterical-sounding "Me-he-he-he-he!" Got it?

4. Practice in private. Yes, perfect those moves in front of a mirror. Use hand gestures if you think it helps. Oh, and use the Web. Clips on sites like You Tube will be invaluable to practice along to. Like this one and this one, for example. Light relief: check out some of the baby evil laughter, like this one.

Now say it loud: "Mua-ha-ha-ha-ha!"

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