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Member Since Jan 28th, 2010

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Recent Comments:

Feds Issue Warning About Online Dating Scams

Nov 26th 2010 11:13PM Trying some freshly squeezed pickles, sun-ripened off the bone. Neils told me that Albie got himself electrocuted when peeing during a thunderstorm. As the water in the bowl became charged with electrolytes from his pee, the leptons from the bolt were able to travel up the stream and into his body.

Car-Eating Rabbits Invade Denver Airport

Oct 17th 2010 9:35PM As I recall, Han Solo had a problem with mynocks that were chewing on the power cables of the Millennium Falcon. He used a blaster to remedy the situation and sued the Galactic Empire for damages.

This just in: Barbie the news anchor

Sep 25th 2010 9:56PM How about Barbie dressing up for "the OLDEST profession"? Call it "Skank Ho Barbie: Slut Chic."

So You Hate His Mom, Sibling and/or Closest Friends? How to Cope

Sep 13th 2010 11:24PM About 15 years ago, I almost married a girl whose old man was a good-for-nothing, loud-mouthed, obnoxious welfare recipient (who had absolutely NO RIGHT to complain about a goddamned thing, having lived his entire worthless life on the dole). The old man, who was also physically and psychologically abusive with his wife and family, came into MY house and proceeded to betray my hospitality. Having no tolerance for such a worthless ingrate, I politely told him that if he continued to violate the guest-host relationship while in MY lair, it would be within my rights TO TREAT HIM BRUTALLY AND WITHOUT MERCY. Indeed, I solemnly assured him that he'd be coughing up his own bloody chiclets along with his witless words. My girlfriend broke up with me shortly thereafter. Betcha the old man was doing his own daughters!

The No. 1 Quality for Career Success

Sep 5th 2010 3:43PM I agree with you 100%, Grace. All my persistence, dedication, focus, drive, and honest hard work ever got me was pink slip when the tedious leg work that no one else wanted to do -- and was left to accumlate for years or even decades -- was done (and done correctly and efficiently, no less). The BS these people preach about honesty, integrity, and "good ol' fashioned hard work" doesn't reflect the reality of the "new normal" (in which the lowest-paid, hardest-working peons are the first ones out the door).

Freeze your credit? It's one way to cut out the con artist

Sep 3rd 2010 11:29PM Here's what you do: IMMEDIATELY INITIATE A CLASS ACTION LAWSUIT AGAINST THE CREDIT REPORTING BUREAUS FOR LIBEL AND DEFAMATION. When did the onus of clearing up a reporting mistake get placed on the shoulders of the victim? A lawsuit will clear up your credit history quickly AND make some money for you as well. I'M CERTAIN THAT THERE WILL BE NO SHORTAGE OF BLOOD-SUCKING ATTORNEYS WHO ARE WILLING TO HANDLE SUCH CASES!

Skechers Shape-Ups ad claims said to be misleading consumers

Sep 1st 2010 11:39PM When Joe Montana states that one can "get in shape without setting foot in a gym," he is being 100% truthful ... from a certain point of view. In donning these sneakers, the actual soles of one's feet can never touch the floor of gym, so one cannot be said to be "setting foot" in such an establishment ... or so it can be argued by any attorney. Also, the human body -- and all physical things, for that matter -- must always assume some kind of shape. Even a morbidly obese 900-pounder has shape and can be said to be "in shape" (albeit bad). Montana doesn't specify or qualify his remark, however, SO "IT'S ALL GOOD." Ubi jus incertum, ibi jus nullum. By the way, what IS "LAW" that I should obey it?!

Helpful Co-Workers Are Least Liked in the Workplace

Sep 1st 2010 12:17AM "I used to be such a sweet, sweet thing
'Til they got a hold of me.
I opened doors for little old ladies;
I helped the blind to see.
I got no friends 'cause they read the papers.
They can't be seen ... with ME!
I'm gettin' real shot down,
And I'm feeling MEAN!!!"

Thomas Hobbes was absolutely right, people! I was so goddamned naive in my teens, twenties, and early thirties! IT'S A WAR OF ALL AGAINST ALL, A VERITABLE "SAUVE QUI PEUT"! All the good, kind, and selfless deeds of my life have been a complete and utter waste of my time, effort, energy, and financial resources! Ingratitude has been the world's repayment! Mark Twain once remarked that the fundamental difference between a human and a dog could be most keenly observed in the response to being taken off the street, warmed, and fed: THE DOG DOESN'T BITE ITS BENEFACTOR! Well, SCREW the world, the people in it, their children, and ALL their descendants. No more "Mr. Nice Guy." In the words of Aaron the Moor (from Shakespeare's "Titus Andronicus"):

"O, wht should wrath be mute, and fury dumb?
I am no baby, I, that with base prayers
I should repent the evils I have done:
Ten thousand worse than ever yet I did
Would I perform, if I might have my will:
If one good deed in all my life I did,
I do repent it from my very soul."

Earth Is at Risk of Running Out of Helium, and Thus Party Balloons

Aug 27th 2010 1:46AM No kidding, pal. Humanity is a COSMIC JOKE! And we ALL -- both of us included -- know much, much less than we THINK we know. Nonetheless, we attempt to make ourselves APPEAR clever with sarcasm and pretentious wit. Doctors, lawyers, teachers, scientists, clerics, and "experts" in any field are nothing more than charlatans who create their own specialized jargon and then hide behind it and the b.s. principles they endlessly crank out. This brings me back to my first comment concerning disrupted equilibria and core collapses. I AM QUITE SERIOUS ABOUT THIS MATTER!!! Let the madness end.


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