DIY Life

Bring a little edge to your personality. Make people respect you, dammit! Master the art of evil laughter, a timeless mannerism designed to shock and intimidate your foes into fearful submission. Beautifully concise instructions for the beginner can be found at wikiHow. Here's the basic procedure:

1. Cultivate an evil attitude. Yes, you're a very nice person, but for this to work you must look and feel convincingly evil. If you're really too nice to actually think evil thoughts, just pretend you're a famous movie bad guy/gal. Like Batman's nemesis, the Penguin.

2. Adopt the stance of evil. Cock your eyebrow and look maniacal. The latter is best achieved by acting as though anyone else in the room has disappeared. Fix your eyes on a distant point. Do not make eye contact with those around you. Remember: you're absorbed in evil thoughts right now!

3. Perfect pitch. Go for a high-pitched or low-pitched laugh. Choose one and stick with it for a convincing performance. Here's what you're aiming for if you're going for low-pitch: a throaty "Mua-ha-ha-ha-ha!" High-pitched laughers should do a hysterical-sounding "Me-he-he-he-he!" Got it?

4. Practice in private. Yes, perfect those moves in front of a mirror. Use hand gestures if you think it helps. Oh, and use the Web. Clips on sites like You Tube will be invaluable to practice along to. Like this one and this one, for example. Light relief: check out some of the baby evil laughter, like this one.

Now say it loud: "Mua-ha-ha-ha-ha!"

There are some adorable new holiday crochet patterns at the Lion Brand Yarn site: an amigurumi Penguin, Reindeer, Santa, Snowman, Gingerbread House, and Gingerbread Man. The latter two make good ornaments, and there's also a Candy Cane Coat Hanger for kids to make. The only problem isn't really a problem: you have to be registered at the Lion Brand site before you can actually see the free patterns themselves (but click the first link in this article to see a list with photos).

Several of these amigurumi are made in their new Vanna's Choice acrylic yarn. I have to confess that I'm less-than-interested in using that yarn; I don't like to work with 100% acrylic. Because amigurumi should be crocheted tightly, the elasticity that wool adds to a yarn can be really helpful, and it's kinder to your poor hands and wrists. Vanna's Choice is worsted weight, so you'll have no problem using Wool-Ease or something nicer.

If you want to use Wool-Ease, try Mushroom for the body of the reindeer -- it's a lighter color than Vanna's Choice Taupe, but not too pale -- Cocoa for the feet, Cranberry for the collar, and Gold for the bell. The corresponding colors would also work for the penguin. He's mostly black and white but has some gold and red elements; you'll need to choose a green that you like, too.

These crocheted toys should only take an evening or two to make. They might be the sweetest hand-made stocking stuffers I've seen this year.