DIY Life

Bring a little edge to your personality. Make people respect you, dammit! Master the art of evil laughter, a timeless mannerism designed to shock and intimidate your foes into fearful submission. Beautifully concise instructions for the beginner can be found at wikiHow. Here's the basic procedure:

1. Cultivate an evil attitude. Yes, you're a very nice person, but for this to work you must look and feel convincingly evil. If you're really too nice to actually think evil thoughts, just pretend you're a famous movie bad guy/gal. Like Batman's nemesis, the Penguin.

2. Adopt the stance of evil. Cock your eyebrow and look maniacal. The latter is best achieved by acting as though anyone else in the room has disappeared. Fix your eyes on a distant point. Do not make eye contact with those around you. Remember: you're absorbed in evil thoughts right now!

3. Perfect pitch. Go for a high-pitched or low-pitched laugh. Choose one and stick with it for a convincing performance. Here's what you're aiming for if you're going for low-pitch: a throaty "Mua-ha-ha-ha-ha!" High-pitched laughers should do a hysterical-sounding "Me-he-he-he-he!" Got it?

4. Practice in private. Yes, perfect those moves in front of a mirror. Use hand gestures if you think it helps. Oh, and use the Web. Clips on sites like You Tube will be invaluable to practice along to. Like this one and this one, for example. Light relief: check out some of the baby evil laughter, like this one.

Now say it loud: "Mua-ha-ha-ha-ha!"

Every week Francesca Clarke tells us how involving kids can make DIY fun, rewarding, and keep them out of trouble too. Welcome to the science of wrangling rug-rats into doing their own DIY projects and exploring the world while making it better. Watch out for the hot glue!

Last week we celebrated Valentine's day by crafting butterfly puppets and floral decorations. This week I'll show you how to make origami fortune tellers. This DIY version of the magic 8 ball, also called a cootie-catcher was iconic in the 80's. All you need is a piece of paper, scissors and a pencil.

Most of you will remember them from sixth or seventh grade, where you'd huddle around the fortune teller and eagerly await your fate. Some of you will take out a sheet of paper and fold one in seconds, remembering each move as if you were playing it yesterday. Others will fumble with it, folding and re-folding, trying to replicate this childhood game.

For the fumblers, here's how to re-create the origami craft with your own kiddies.

Have you ever been rejected at a press conference where they reserve seats for the real news? Obviously they don't want some guy who is going to cut together the interview to best poke fun at them, then put it on his blog to get passed around to far more people than the real news guys will ever reach. So maybe they're being prudent.

Whatever your motivation, if you're looking to pass as a legitimate reporter, this microphone flag (along with a shower, change of clothes and less cursing) will be your ticket in the door. The video shows you how to put together a quality prop that will fit right in against the real ones. Impersonate an existing network (though I sure don't advise it), or make up your own, either way, when you're holding your microphone up with the others you'll blend in seamlessly.

It seems like the video instructions make this all more work than it needs to be, but their final product sure does look like the real thing. Michael Una uses a simpler spin, making the mic flag from a metal box he had on hand. His results look pretty convincing to me, but I wouldn't suggest going as cheap as one commenter suggested and using cardboard and markers. When you get tossed out from backstage at Fashion File, don't blame me!

Playing Santa is a huge privilege and a huge responsibility. Done well, you could make a child believe in magic and become part of their fondest memories. Done poorly, you could shatter a childhood, and scare them for life.

If you've been invited to play Santa, there are some important tricks of the trade. This clever video from the ministry of fun gives you a schooling in Santa impersonation. Here are the 7 skills to master.

• Jolly demeanor, quick thinking, Spirit
• HO HO HO
  
• Work with your eyes
• Be welcoming
• Don't disappoint
• Field difficult questions
• Do your research
• Know what's hip
  

While Santa is busy with his Christmas preparations at the North Pole, he'll need competent helpers. If you are one of the lucky ones doing the job this year, spend some time mastering that HO HO HO, expressing with your eyes and learning about the trendy toys. You'll bring magic to the children and have a great time too!

Do you live in one of those neighborhoods where people seem to have nothing better to do than talk about crap they know nothing about? Are your neighbors consumed with story telling and passing on gossip which is founded upon facts which exist only in their own imaginations? Are you just plain tired of being the subject of baseless speculation and malicious lies? There's a solution you can employ to take the situation, have some fun with it and make your life a bit more interesting. This exercise may not put a lid on the story tellers, but it will definitely put you in more control of that gossip.

Have two or three of your tallest friends dress in black suits, white shirts, narrow black ties and very dark sunglasses. Have them arrive at your home during a time when there will be no doubt that the neighborhood meddlers are watching. Your friends should arrive in a late model, full size sedan of dark color. The affect is even better if they arrive in a black Chevy Suburban. Be ready to meet your friends on your driveway when they arrive. Wait until they exit the vehicle and then stroll out to meet them, carrying a silver briefcase out of the house with you.

When you meet on the driveway, set the brief case down and clasp your hands in front of you. Say a couple sentences to whoever looks the most commanding, shake hands with each of them and then casually walk back to the house. Your friends should take possession of the brief case, preferably handcuffing it to one of them. They should do one slow visual scan of the neighborhood, return to their vehicle and then slowly leave the area without laughing.

The whole exercise should take only a couple minutes, but the effect will last for years. Perhaps you won't ever get the gossipers, story tellers and liars to shut their mouths, but at least you can take charge of the situation and give them something really juicy to talk about while making them look like the total jackasses they are. It's fun and easy to play with the minds of gossipers because they'll believe almost anything. Give 'em something to talk about. You'll be glad you did!